Doubt

One of my character flaws is that I am always doubting myself. If someone acts "outside the norm" I never credit it to something they have going on. I am always convinced that I have done something to cause the difference. I always second guess myself and my impact on others. Sometimes it is a good thing because it makes me really think about my thoughts and actions and their impact on others. I think it make me more aware of how I treat other people and I hope that it makes me a more considerate person.

However sometimes it can make me turn a situation into something it is not. There have been many times when I will re think, re play and re visit a situation over and over trying to determine what the other person is thinking. Wondering what I could have said or done that would have been misconstrued. Often times it is nothing I have done at all but some outside element that contributed to the situation.

One thing it has taught me is that I don't know people as well as I think. No matter how much time you spend with someone or how long you have known them, you never really know what they think. I am having to learn to be the best person I can be and be as considerate as I possibly can and let the chips fall where they may.

Rough Day

So after approximately 3 weeks of having a break from our homeschooling curriculum, we started back to "school" this morning. You would have thought my kids had never seen a book, number, letter, etc...... Suddenly it was I can't read, I can't write, I can't add, I can't subtract! I literally thought I was going to pull every hair I have out of my head. This coupled with the fact that I have just been exhausted lately, for reasons I do not understand.

Today was a bad day!

So bad that I even wound up yelling at my son in front of one of his friends. I really try to avoid that :) I do believe in addressing an issue when it presents itself however, and if I let really bad behavior wait until we get home it really doesn't hold the same weight. My son has this issue with not knowing when to be quiet and let an argument end. He has to have the last word and typically it has to be some wise butt answer to whatever I have to say. So inevitably we find ourselves head to head over something that originally was nothing, but has now spiralled out of control.

Now I know what you are thinking, "you are the adult, just let it end". I do try, I say "son, please stop now before this gets out of control" He will not! There is one thing I cannot and will not as a parent tolerate and that is disrespect. Unfortunately that is where it always ends up!

It makes me sad, it literally makes me sick, but as a parent I have to parent. I know that I have different standards than some when it comes to parenting. But I will say this, I love my children to distraction! I completely adore them and I want them with me all the time. Most of the time I want the sitting in my lap and giving me snuggles, in spite of the fact that they are 8 and 12.

Bad days are just bad days I guess! I know we all have them and no one is perfect. I am glad that ours are much fewer and much farther between than they have been!

To tomorrow! May you be a much better day, full of smiles, laughter, learning, and love!